In our Australian home churches there are a few shining examples of people who are just naturally good at including children in church and encouraging them to feel that it is their church as well as the adults' church. While we can't all be like them, we can sometimes benefit from seeing things from their perspective. I asked one of these very gifted people about his approach to children in his home church. This is roughly what he told me:
>>> General Principles
Kids are really good at seeing through hypocrisy. They know when you are talking to them or doing things with them just because you think you should. They also know when you are seeing them as a problem or a burden. I just try to enjoy them.
Sometimes they can be really annoying but on the other hand their little minds are always coming up with original things to do. I try to encourage this.
Overall I think I get much more from them than they get from me. They say the most profound things too - things that theologians could mull over for years.
I guess the most important thing for me is to show them that I value them and appreciate them. Then they will feel that they are a valued part of the church: they will feel that they belong.
A crucial thing to watch for is that you remember their names. At one point a family with two boys joined the church and I kept getting their names mixed up. You could see from their faces that calling them by the right name was important for them.
Other churches will do things differently with the children but I think the principles I have talked about here, the principles of respecting kids, enjoying them and being honest with them are important to every church.
>>> Things to do
I think that children learn best about Christianity from spending time with Christian adults. Things come to them by osmosis and observation. But if they are going to want to spend time with adults in church they must have some expectation of it being fun.
These are some of the fun things we have done in the past:
We live next to a park, bordered on one side by a big expanse of bush. The kids and I and sometimes the other adults will go down to the park to play or go for bush walks. We all enjoy this. In the park we might play ball games or 'stuck in the mud' or do cooperative games with a parachute.
I like to make up little plays that the kids can do for the adults. We have done a series called 'Great Moments in Biblical History'. The boys especially like the famous battle scenes. We once did a live Christmas Pageant. One little girl, who was five, practiced here single line at home all week , which completely wrecked it for her parents. She knew it was funny but I don't think she understood exactly why. The line was 'Jesus you naughty boy, stop turning your milk into wine!'
On another occasion we did an ecumenical conference between the Orthodox Archbishop Thermos and the Catholic Pope Innocuous. Some of the children who were 5 and 7 still remember the play now they are 12 and 14 and they remember the point of the play as well.
We have made a giant song book out of cardboard with big words, so all the church can read them at once. The younger children liked drawing pictures to accompany the words. Drawing and craft work always seems to be successful with the children under 8. They will do whatever you put in front of them. The older children can be a bit more cynical. One thing that works for the teenagers is for the adults to take them out to dinner while the younger kids are being baby sat. This makes them feel special, though it is sometimes hard to draw the line between those who can come and those who can't.
Another easy thing to do with younger kids is to read stories from a pictorial bible book. It is important to have easy things to do with the children because often the adults are pretty tired when they get to church.
(written by Jill after a phone conversation with Peter)
******* (Present church make-up: 9 adults, 3 children - 1 in early primary school, one young teenager and one older teenager. A stable church whose families have been together with only a little change, for 18 years. Members can be contacted through Jill Crisp at: scrisp@pcug.org.au)
Some groups are very organised about the things they do with the children but our church isn't like that. We seem to have managed well by just staying with a few simple principles. We haven't even talked about these principles very much, they have just developed as we shared our lives together.
Here are the principles that I see working in our church at present:
1. We let the children know that they are important to us.
For younger children this might involve things like greeting them personally and paying attention to them when they walk in the door. When they become teenagers this can change. Often they won't want you to make a fuss of them in this way but they will be happy to chat with you about their part time job or their last soccer match, in a low key way, over the meal.
There are many different ways to show a child that you think they are important. It requires sensitivity to work out what way is best for each individual.
2. We have the older children naturally play with the younger ones. This statement has a contradictory sound to it. You can't MAKE the older children play with the younger ones. You can however encourage them when they do things with the younger ones. You can also play with the young children yourselves so the older kids feel that it is natural for people to relate across the age barriers in church .
For us, the friendships between older and younger children have been a great source of strength for the church.
3. We ensure that there is something special for each child or teenager to do when they come to our house.
This makes a huge difference to the ease with which whole families can come to church together. If each of the kids have something to look forward to in each house then it is immeasurably easier for their parents to get them out of the house and into the car for the trip to church.
There is a six year old girl in our church who has been part of our group for most of her life. She looks forward to coming to our house because she can play with the rabbit or the dog or jump on the trampoline.
The older children and teenagers are often attracted to a particular house because there are some computer games there that their own family doesn't have. They can go off with their peers and enjoy these together for a part of the meeting.
Another way of stating this principle is that you see all the church as a kind of extended family so you hold onto some of your children's toys and games even when your children have outgrown them.
4. We take little children off their parents' hands so they can relax and enjoy church.
Often parents of little children are worn-out when they arrive at church. If people are sensitive to this they will take turns in playing with a 'littlie' and looking after their physical requirements. They may take off their coat, take them to the toilet, get their meal for them, read them a story - anything to give their hard working parents a break. This could be the one time in their week when the parents have a chance to rest and relax!
Everyone in our church leads a busy life. On some occasions, when it is obvious from the start that people have had a particularly stressful week, the host will decide to foreshorten the meeting so people can have an early night. This kind of sensitivity to peoples needs has good repercussions for the church. People are much more likely to come to church if they feel that their present state is going to be taken into account when we consider how demanding the night's activities will be.
5. We share out the work of the church meeting.
Some churches have a roster so everyone gets to participate in church. We don't do this. Instead we all look around to see what needs to be done, and do it. This means that the usual burdens of work get shared around. It means that the host is not totally responsible for making everything happen on the night and that the parents are not totally responsible for their own children.
6. We try to respond in a balanced way to adults' and children's learning needs over time.
We sometimes use a common story on which to base children's activities and adult discussion. This may work, but very often we have found that a topic which is interesting for the children (like the dramatic parting of the Red Sea) does not prove to be stimulating for the adults. As a result, we have decided to take a long view as we balance adults' and children's needs. Sometimes a meeting will be of great benefit for the kids but of less benefit for the adults. Other times it will be just the reverse. Over a month or six weeks however, we try to even things out. On occasions we have a special children's meeting where they decide exactly what they want to do. At other meetings the adults can feel free to get their teeth into some deep issues while the children play amongst themselves.
We don't feel obliged to always have a teaching session for the children. We have noticed, over the years that our children have learnt a great deal from just being with the adults and absorbing their attitudes and ways of acting. Things like being honest and trustworthy are learnt far more effectively by children when they see adults acting this way themselves, than when someone gives them a list of bible verses on the subject. Attributes like being self-reliant and working through problems cooperatively are learnt by the children as they see this happening in church. In this, home church children are luckier than their friends who go to churches where all responsibility is held by a few authority figures.
We also don't feel that the older children always have to come to church. We recognise that peer group is important to teenagers so that sometimes, if there is a clash of activities, we let them go to their peer activity.
7. Our children need to learn about how Christians live together.
We believe that what we are passing on to our children is not intellectual knowledge but wisdom about relationships; those between each other and those between us and God. Christian maturity can be seen in the fruits of the spirit and those fruits of the spirit all have a relational aspect - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These things can all be in evidence for the children as people relate, within the meeting.
For example, we sometimes have disagreement in our meetings over belief, but I think this has been good for the children. They have seen that it is possible for people to argue vehemently with each other but still remain friends. They have also seen how to treat someone with respect while expressing completely different points of view. This has given them a certain strength in their own dealings with people.
8. We make sure that the children have special church activities to look forward to, every now and then.
Every two months or so we try to have a church meeting that the children will really enjoy. We might take them to MacDonald's, a picnic or Chinese Yum Cha. We might have a cricket match in the local park. Twice a year the home churches in our region has a special, large-group gathering where children from different churches can catch up with each other. Children's birthdays can also be the occasion for a special celebration.
9. We don't expect that our children will grow up believing exactly the same things as we do.
We want them to see the things that are important to our faith but we also want them to work out their own belief system. This will be somewhat different from ours because they will have had different experiences from us.
Sensitivity
All these 9 principles spring from a single idea - sensitivity. The love that develops between people in church, over time, enables them to be sensitive to each others needs. It also enable people to be open to change, in their interactions with the children, as these children grow and alter through the years.
This sensitivity is not something you can make rules about, it is a gift from God. It can be a very impressive thing to see the smooth running of a church as people treat each other in this way - you feel that you are watching the Holy Spirit in action. *************
(The church in this story is attended by Jill Crisp and Colin Webb who are members of the home church discussion list on email. It has been going for about 20 years and is made up of 5 kids and 8 adults. It can be contacted via email addresses: scrisp@pcup.org.au or cwebb@nla.gov.au)
>>> The Festival of Booths
On a few occasions, our home church has celebrated a Jewish festival together. We saw it as a good way of teaching the children the stories of their Judaeo-Christian heritage in a way that they would remember. Of course, this 'method' is as old as the Old Testament books themselves. This was one of the way families from Moses' time onwards, taught their own children about their stories.
We began with the Festival of Booths. In the past this was celebrated just after harvest time, when the weather was warm and farming families had finished their heavy labour for the year. Jewish people were to spend 7 days living in makeshift booths to remind themselves of the time when they had few possessions and followed the Lord through the wilderness for 40 years.
Our plan was for the whole church to camp in tents in our backyard for one night. The children were looking forward to it as a 'great adventure'.
But as the evening approach we noticed a large white marque appearing in the next-door neighbour's back yard. I rang them and discovered that their daughter was becoming engaged and there would be 150 people celebrating there that night - there was no chance that we would get any sleep in our backyard that night!
We decided to ask the children to erect a giant tent of sheets in the living room, instead. A wooden coat stand was used as a central pole for the tent and the sheets were draped between this and the backs of lounge chairs that acted as the tents outer walls. Laundry pegs secured the sheets in place.
At that time there were 5 children and 7 adults in the church. We all crowded in and adopted the typical Middle Eastern reclining position - the roof wasn't high enough to give us any choice in this! Our very best reader of stories then recounted the Israelites escape from Egypt and journey through the wilderness, as told by David Kossoff in his book called 'Bible Stories'. We lay around in the tent, talking and pretending to be Israelites for quite a while.
There were lots of good things about this experience. When you act out such an event, even in the limited way we did, you immediately begins to feel an affinity with the people in the original story. A bond appears that reaches back through time and makes the story of those people your story, in a tangible way. You feel some of the adventure of following God to a strange land and the thankfulness of God's provision on the way. You think about the Israelites making a golden calf as an idol to bow down to and realise that if you were in that alien setting you probably would look around for some other security than God.
For the kids it was an achievement, putting up a tent in the lounge room. We took a few photographs and put them in the home church album. It is one of their favourite photos and we all like to talk about the experience and remember how we made the tent, what it was like all being crammed in there and how someone had smelly feet and we really noticed it in such a confined space. In that way I guess it was very similar to the original experience. Everyone would have been pretty smelly after 40 years in the desert!
************** (This home church meets in the Blue Mountains, west of Sydney, Australia. It has 9 children between the ages of 2 and 14. There are 13 adults. The church began in 1977. It can be contacted through Ken Goodlet at: albatross@albatross.com.au)
In response to Julie Banks' request for ideas on children in home church, we discussed the matter and have come up with the following:
* We place stress on doing activities rather than talking. * We ask children both individually and as a group what they think about things, take their suggestions seriously and act upon them where possible. This, we think, makes them feel an integral part of the church. * We do activities WITH, not just FOR children. We feel, again, that this integrates them. * We ask children for input when we are planning future church meetings, together. * We have 'show and tell' slots. * We aim to be flexible in our programming to allow, among other reasons, for what is on a child's heart to come out. * We feel that if church is to be theirs, children need to be told in word and action. ( eg photo of the whole church) * We normally have a special children's time in church, in which everybody is involved. * We do not place heavy demands on children in church. For example - they are not required to sit still through long slabs of meeting time. * Birthdays are remembered with a cake and with something affirming being said. * On several occasions, the children have given ideas to Geoff, from which he has written a song. * It is important for us to greet the children by name and ask them how their week has been - just as we do for adults. * The children often help with food arrangements. * We think it important to arrange outings to such places as a children's farm, for the whole church. * Sometimes, we try to attend eisteddfods and sporting events in which children are taking part. * We have at present a 'yum cha' donation box, to which both adults and children are contributing. When we have enough, we'll all go out for a 'yum cha' lunch. We have done this once before. Ken Goodlet
*********** Children in Home Church Julie Banks' notes
0-4 1. We greet them by name, give them a kiss, a hug or a hand-shake. Ask how they are. Make a comment to them about the weather, something they are wearing, an item of news (e.g. did you enjoy your visit to Grandma last week?) or maybe, 'we missed you last week!'. If appropriate, we help them out of their coats etc.
2. Have toys suitable for each age group available and perhaps paper and crayons.
3. Have a general attitude which says 'we value you as important members of our church'.
4.most members: a. take the children on their knees, sit beside them, play on the floor with them during the 'meeting'.
b. help them to get their meals and drinks, wash hands etc
c distract them if they are getting too noisy or want to play with items they shouldn't (e.g. pulling books off bookshelves), or start to pull the other's hair etc.
5. We pray for our children.
Including under 4's in what we do. 1. We volunteer to be the person responsible for the children during the grown-ups 'learning time' - this is recorded on a sign -up sheet.
2. We learn and sing songs which this age group enjoys - ours enjoy ones we do actions to. We sometimes ask our three and a half year old what she would like to sing. We have percussion instruments which we all use and occasionally our three and a half year old will pass these around. We dance, clap etc when appropriate (space being the biggest constraint on the dancing)
3. The children participate in the meal as the Lord's Supper. They are given bread and juice. Sometimes the three and a half year old assists in passing the bread around or is helped to pass a cup to someone.
4. We have a children's story which everyone listens to.
5. We celebrate birthdays
6. We have a special event to welcome new babies.
What we do to occupy our under 4's while the adults 'learning time' is on.
1. play with the smallest on the floor 2. take them for walks 3. read more stories 4. do jigsaw puzzles 5. blow bubbles 6. draw colour-in 7. play with our shadows 8. watch the clouds 9. listen to the sounds of the world and try to identify them 10. walk around the garden and marvel at God's handiwork in the flowers, trees, birds, insects (touching, smelling etc) 11. sometimes we pick flowers, strawberries or raspberries 12. play games - inside and out (hiding, catch the ball etc) ************* > Notes from the Rossi Home Church, ACT/NSW, Australia
>Background The Rossi Home Church has 16 adults (now ranged 21 to 64 years of age) and 8 children (now 8 to 14 years of age). The church meets once a month for the whole day, always at the same venue a farm owned by one of the families near Rossi, NSW, about a 45 minute drive from Canberra in the ACT.
The day begins at 10.00 am with morning tea, followed by music, childrens story, adult discussion and prayer, late lunch and then a walk, swim or more talk. The children freely play outdoors or in the wool shed, as the farm is a great adventure for them. However, specific activities are planned for childrens story and during adult discussion. One adult is rostered on each meeting for the story and two adults are rostered on for child minding during adult discussion.
>Child minding During adult discussion, the children are usually taken for a walk to one of the creeks on the property which are within walking distance of the farmhouse (where they might make floating craft, pick blackberries or generally enjoy themselves outside), or all pile into the farm truck for exploration further afield. Sometimes they may be helped to build a fire to cook damper or sausages, or supervised for swimming or boating in the dam, or they might help feed the sheep if a drought dictates hand feeding of the stock. Some of the children are budding naturalists and like to explore the diversity of flora and insect life on the farm. The children love the freedom offered at the farm and are disappointed if rain keeps them indoors. On those (rare) occasions, they play board games in a small cottage near the main house. Sometimes a craft/art exercise might be arranged. These have included making a book in which to keep a record of home church doings, candle making and painting. The older children sometimes choose to join the adult discussion.
>Childrens story This part of the day, which is indoors, is prepared for by an adult. Much loved by child and adult alike, this session has covered a range of topics and activities:
>Telling a story from the Bible This has involved the children playing different characters (the Good Samaritan is a favourite) in a play or finger puppet show, or even in a video. One parent presented a Bible story on video, acting out the role of a serious television journalist interviewing famous Bible characters (played by his wife and children) to get the story behind the news. Once, some of the younger adults presented a mini rock opera based on a Bible story. Sometimes the children are asked to read different paragraphs of a Bible story which has been rewritten for a younger audience.
Bible stories may also be accompanied by dramatic presentations of a different kind. Once, Elijahs challenge to the followers of the false God Baal was recreated with a little scientific sleight of hand two model altars were made of sticks and small pieces of meat put on top; each altar was doused with clear liquid representing rain (one jar just happened to be methylated spirits, not water); a lighted match was then put to each altar. Another time, a parent had a large sketch pad and drew aspects of the story on successive sheets. As the pictures began to grow, the children had to guess what they represented. (The children love activities involving guessing.) One time, at the telling of the story of Mary of Bethany annointing Jesus feet, the children washed, dried and rubbed massage oil into the feet of the adults and each other. (The whole church ended up washing someone elses feet!)
Last Easter, a parent introduced the Easter story by having the whole church step out a timeline on the road leading up to the main house. Someone stood at Year 0, the year of Jesus birth, then we all stepped out 10 years per step. Another person stood at a point on the timeline which represented the time of Jesus resurrection. We then stepped on until we reach 1996 and looked back (quite a long way!). The children were then asked to imagine how long ago it was that Jesus lived, and asked why, when someone died that long ago, they might be remembered today. (One child piped in immediately, Because hes still alive! which completely undercut the rest of the carefully prepared presentation, but provided the answer sought!)
>Spiritual themes Knowing is a theme that has cropped up a few times. Once the children were invited outside to view a ewe which had been penned close to the house and asked to say what they could say about the sheep from their own observation, and what they had learned about sheep from other sources. How important is it to have first-hand experience? The analogy was extended to our relationship with God talking about Him and reading about Him is not the same as coming face to face with Him. Another time, a parent prepared a large cardboard box with peep holes cut out on three different sides and on top. A papier mache sphere created over a balloon had different objects stuck to it, eg orange peel, rock melon peel, fur. Everyone had to say what they saw through their peephole. This was designed to show that we can all have a slightly different view or experience of God and that we should share what we see with others so we can all learn from each others experience.
Sometimes stories about God and how people have experienced God in their lives are told. The children may be invited to then talk about similar experiences in their lives. Once, an adult who can speak German told an old German folktale about a fisherman whose wishes are granted by a fish (an enchanted prince) whose life he has saved. The tale describes the trouble which befalls the fisherman as his wife badgers him to wish her into a bishopric, then the papacy, then deity! This story involved the repetition of a complex invocation. The children were soon able to repeat some of this and loved joining in. Another time, the children were asked where they thought God might be and three adults performed the old Sonny Terry/Brownie McGee song, God and Man, which recounts the story of Mans attempt to answer the question, where is God?
The topic of miracles was approached through the use of a word game. Words which might be used to describe miracles were blocked out by dashes and the odd letter the children had to guess what the words might be and then add their own words, based on their own understanding of miracles.
Special things and places have also been discussed. On one occasion, the children were invited to draw a picture or write the name of their special place or what was special in their life on a large sheet of paper. (The beach, a particular park, holiday cottage were some of the responses, but the church broke into warm laughter and applause when one child piped up parents!) Another time, photographs of Aboriginal sacred places was shown while the children beat rhythm sticks or played cardboard didgeridoos. There was some discussion about what made a place sacred or special, and sacredness in general.
The subject of the Eucharist was approached indirectly by setting a test for Jesus: was eating and drinking a good choice of activity to remind us how close Jesus is to us? Should Jesus have chosen a different activity? A huge sheet of paper was ruled up with columns. One column listed the possible activities, and the remaining columns listed the criteria by which they would be judged (eg, had to be performed at least once a day, had to be essential to maintain life, a conscious activity, etc; the final criterion was that the activity had to be closer than your hand, nearer than your heart). The children suggested the possible activities (which included getting dressed, sleeping, blinking, breathing, even going to the toilet!) and then ticked or crossed the various columns as they evaluated these activities. (The children love matching wits with just about anyone or anything.)
The topic of symbols was introduced by asking the children to say what they thought was meant by commonly seen symbols (eg no smoking, speed hump, kangaroos for the next five miles) and then asked what the sign of the cross meant to them. They were then paired with an adult to talk about what might be a symbol that expressed something important in their life; the adults also had to find a symbol. All the symbols were recorded on paper ready to be translated into a communal artwork based on the symbol of the cross. This was undertaken as a childrens activity during adult discussion at the following meeting.
jcrisp@atrax.net.au
28 Rafferty St, Chapman, ACT, 2611, Australia.